It's not gonna be that creative...

Are you though?

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:43:20 -0500

Are you though?

Boo goes to Platos Closet...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 19:21:39 -0600

She brings 2 bags full of clothes and got $19 back. The arrogant asshole working at the high class joint of Platos Closet tells her,”let me tell you why I didn’t take some of the clothes, they had stains.”

Oops.

I don’t know why I have these people in my life.

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 16:03:15 -0600

I don’t know why I have these people in my life.

Don’t put me in a group message with your mother.

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:17:31 -0600

Don’t put me in a group message with your mother.

Little surprises..

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 07:08:07 -0600

So, my new favorite Pandora station is N*ggas in Paris because sometimes you just need a little rap. The best part about this station is that like every 5 songs a surprise occurs…Frank Sinatra or like KC and the Sunshine Band. Check it out guys. Oh, but some if the lyrics are graphic..DUH.

Hey guys, I found a birth control pill on the ground by my meds tonight from god knows when. I took...

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 19:50:49 -0600

Hey guys, I found a birth control pill on the ground by my meds tonight from god knows when. I took it just in case. I’m still an adult y’all, they haven’t revoked that shit yet!

Tried to type ground turkey. Today is going to be special.

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 10:22:50 -0600

Tried to type ground turkey. Today is going to be special.

On the Up and Up

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:05:58 -0600

Hey guys, you know me, just sitting in my bed, eating cookies, watching the housewives of Beverly Hills, all the while trying to figure out how I’m going to pay my student loans back. This is me on the way up guys.

DUH!

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 21:40:59 -0600

I realized at the age of, oh ummm, about 5 that being a girl was hard. This was even before I realized that I was the one that was going to have to carry the children and then birth them, and have all the issues that makes that possible when I “grew up”.

Anyway, I’ve gotten over this and haven’t really been all that worried about it because I love being female and all that jazz. However, tonight, when I was taking my daily shower, I was reminded how hard it actually is to be a girl. I have to wash my hair every day because I would look like a grease monkey otherwise. It is also important that I shave my armpits every now and then b/c unlike Julia Roberts or the Fronch, I’m not comfortable with that level of hair going on under my arms.

Now, I’m oversharing all this right now to get to the point of this story. I was reawakened to the fact that being a girl blows more than not when I was shaving my armpit and my hair was hanging down b/c it was just washed, and I shaved some of my hair.

I feel like unless a guy who is a dirty hipster or biker who doesn’t cut their hair, most males don’t ever encounter such a RIDICULOUS situation. That’s pretty much all for now guys. Bet you wish I was still radio silent.

Story Time: The Asian Stripper

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 09:33:37 -0600

My old roommate Griff has told me this story a million different times, and it varies slightly each time he tells it to me, but parts of it are constant and have been verified by one person or another. I’m going to tell you the constant parts, and whatever else I can remember. It’s a pretty interesting story, if you don’t like Asians or strippers or grammatically incorrect stories quit reading now.

It all began one night on Bourbon for a bachelor party. The guys got pretty drunk throughout their adventure and decided to head to a strip-club (go figure). Griff had a headache or was really drunk and didn’t feel well or something as they were beginning their strip-club portion of the evening.

The boys sit front row and the ladies are dancing and one of them notices Griff looks like he isn’t feeling well. This happens the be the Asian Stripper in the title, and she asks Griff if he is ok, because as we know, all strippers have a heart of gold; am I right?!

This is where the story starts to vary slightly, but anyway, he tells her he has a headache, and she offers up some Aleve or whatever that she has in the back. This stripper goes to the back and gets it for him. She then dances around his head and pops it in his mouth. Like, you know when you are giving your dog medicine and you have to throw it in the back of their throat, that’s what I think went on here.

Not too long after, he starts to feel great, but then loses like 4 hours of his life because when he realizes what’s going on, 4 hours have passed since he was in the strip-club, none of his friends are around, and he is talking to a homeless man.

If I recall correctly he and the homeless man are both eating a burrito or something and having a very philosophical conversation, and the homeless man tells him they’ve been talking for like an hour. He says goodbye to the homeless man and catches a cab home, headache free.

When he finally meets up with his friends again, they say he just took off and they never saw him again after he ran out of the strip-club, and I think he literally just ran out of there. Come to find out, the stripper slipped him some Ecstasy, not Aleve.

The lesson here, folks, is to never trust that a stripper will give you over the counter medications or legal ones at that; however, his headache did go away and a hobo got a burrito. Win/win.

Quotes from my phone...

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 12:37:22 -0600

Guys, I realize, it’s been ages, but seriously, I’m busy.

If I got off my meds, I’m gonna blow up like a space walk. -Rachel

G-ma in Urban. -Rachel

Girls love fries. -Blair

I’m never letting strippers put anything in my mouth. -Rachel

Somebody is getting cranky. -the bartender to Rachel

I get weird around you; you massage my weird. -Jess

My dad and I aren’t waiters, we don’t wait in line. -some rich kid

Is that Tory from TV? -Aunt Roz

I told a 4 year old to come correct. -Me

I’ve been amused today, mostly by myself. -Ginger

Don’t act like the toilet water don’t hit you in the ass. -Uncle Greg

Hooker Fresh. -Jessica

We did not give two fucking shits that she just died, we just wanted to sing Whitney. -Jessica

Bitch, don’t touch my grays. -Sallie

You can’t get a fever blister from an enchilada. -Me

I get shitfaced and need my rap. -Sallie

I have friends with a lake house too…if by lake house you mean a trailer on Lake Maurepas…if by house you mean trailer on stilts that used to be a bus. -Ginger

We are just in two different place right now. -Rachel to me in another room

I want something with whipped cream in it. -Rachel

You know you have found your true soul-roommate when she comes home, offers you a muscle relaxer,...

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:47:09 -0600

You know you have found your true soul-roommate when she comes home, offers you a muscle relaxer, and you both pass out and wake up hours later not sure where you are.

It’s like all I need is coffee and a shirt with my initial...

Sat, 24 Nov 2012 09:50:58 -0600

It’s like all I need is coffee and a shirt with my initial to be happy.

Starbucks mermaid is buck-wild aka my spirit animal.

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 14:12:25 -0600

Starbucks mermaid is buck-wild aka my spirit animal.

But y’all, it’s true.

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 18:25:08 -0600

But y’all, it’s true.

When I see stuff like this Louis Vuitton handbag, it becomes...

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 16:18:48 -0500

When I see stuff like this Louis Vuitton handbag, it becomes very clear to me that those in charge of fashion are having a good ole laugh at the expense of the rich. I would too guys, I would too.

“Be careful, Jim, this is passion tea!”

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 16:34:49 -0500

“Be careful, Jim, this is passion tea!”

Today, I saw a girl with a toe ring and her skeevy boyfriend in CVS picking up some Plan B. Makes...

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 17:06:07 -0500

Today, I saw a girl with a toe ring and her skeevy boyfriend in CVS picking up some Plan B. Makes sense, y’all.

"I have a Victorian Secret magazine if you want it."

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 18:28:09 -0500

“I have a Victorian Secret magazine if you want it.”

- Rachel’s mom

"Y’all must be lost y’all minds!"

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 08:42:08 -0500

“Y’all must be lost y’all minds!”

- Band Teacher